Dear Wife,
I wanted to take a moment to talk to you about our marriage. It seems like things have taken a turn for the worse, and I feel compelled to express my thoughts.
Over the past 7 years, I have always tried to be a good husband to you. However, lately, I have noticed a growing disconnection between us. And today, when I learned of your resignation from work, it felt like the final straw.
Last week, I went out of my way to make you feel special. I got a fresh haircut, cooked your favorite meal, and even wore new silk boxers. Sadly, it appeared that you barely noticed any of it. It seems like the small gestures of love and affection that used to bring us closer are now falling on deaf ears.
I can’t help but wonder if something is amiss between us. Are you seeing someone else? Or perhaps, have we simply drifted apart? In any case, it’s evident that our marriage has reached a breaking point, and I believe it’s best if we go our separate ways.
Your Ex-Husband
P.S. Please understand that I need some distance, so I won’t be easily reachable. I’ve made the decision to move to West Virginia with your sister. I truly hope you find happiness in life.
Dear Ex-Husband,
Receiving your letter today brought a mix of emotions, ranging from relief to genuine amusement. While it is true that we have spent the past 7 years as husband and wife, I must confess that the description of you as a “good man” leaves much to be desired.
You claim that I watch my shows to drown out your constant whining and griping, which may or may not be true. What is undoubtedly accurate is that your complaints have become an inseparable part of our daily life.
Regarding your new haircut, I did notice it. However, the immediate thought that crossed my mind was how strikingly similar you looked to a girl. Following the sage advice from my mother, I refrained from commenting.
As for the meal you prepared, it seems you have mixed up my preferences with those of your sister. I haven’t consumed pork in the entire duration of our marriage, which has been a lengthy seven years.
Let’s address the matter of the silk boxers. My reason for turning away was not due to any assumption of infidelity; it was the price tag that caught my attention. I couldn’t help but notice the $49.99 still attached, especially considering my sister had borrowed $50 from me that very morning. An unfortunate coincidence, I assume.
Surprisingly, even after everything that has transpired, I still harbored love for you and believed we could salvage our relationship. In fact, when I won ten million dollars in the lottery, I saw it as an opportunity for us to escape our troubles and embark on an incredible journey to Jamaica. Unfortunately, upon my return home, I discovered you had vanished.
In life, everything happens for a reason. Perhaps this separation will lead us both to the paths we were always meant to take. Interestingly enough, the letter you wrote also happened to seal your fate in terms of financial matters. As per my lawyer’s counsel, you won’t be receiving a dime from me.
Take care of yourself and pursue the fulfilling life you desire.
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. To clear any potential confusion, I neglected to mention that my sister Carla was born as Carl. I trust this won’t be a problem!
Please feel free to share this humorous story with your friends and family.
