I Found My Late Mother’s Diary and It Made Me Regret My Whole Life

Since she was a young child, Cara has been filled with a profound sense of animosity against her mother. in the event that her father, the person she loves the most in the entire world, is killed in an accident. Any more stress would be too much for their fragile relationship to bear. But everything is turned upside down when Cara’s mother uses up all of her money from the education fund.

A long and dark shadow has been cast over my upbringing by my mother’s insatiable greed and frugality for as long as I can remember.

It was completely illogical. Not only were we not a poor family, but we were also not even close to being poor. My mother and father both made more than enough money to ensure that we had a pleasant existence. One of the most well-known retail stores had my father, Henry, working as a regional manager. She was a nurse, and my mother’s name was Lydia. It was all right.

Nevertheless, my academic years were tarnished by the fact that I spent Saturday mornings combing around thrift stores in search of items that had been previously worn. The fact that attending birthday parties and other social activities required me to purchase gifts was something that my mother found completely inexplicable. As a result, my social life and birthday parties ended up being practically nonexistent.

Do you have pocket money?

My mother had never heard of that being a concept before.

On the other hand, single entry in the diary altered everything.

When I was a child, my father was my favourite person.

“Oh, Cara,” he would say each and every night when he came to turn off the light in my bedroom. “You’re my little light, you know that?”

While I was growing up, my father brought a lot of happiness into my otherwise miserable existence. Sometimes, dad would simply buy me cotton candy, which is my favourite sweet pleasure. dad would sneak in little treats, covert trips to the cinema when mom was working, and he would sneak in secret excursions to the movies.

I was able to find my mother on the other side of everything. She spoke to me very little because she was always preoccupied with her own daydreams. However, she was vigilant and rigid when it came to making decisions like as purchasing food or turning out the lights.

As she muttered under her breath, “Come on, Cara,” she would call out. You believe that we are made of money, don’t you? As soon as you leave the room, make sure the light is turned off.

At one point in my life, when I was still in high school, I worked at the local pet grooming salon on a part-time basis. The only thing I wanted was to generate some money for myself just.

Dad remarked, “Good, Cara,” and Cara agreed. “This is a good thing for you.”

An eye roll was made by Mom.

Nevertheless, when my first paycheck arrived, my mother took more than half of it for herself at that time.

She said, “I need it, Cara,” and she was right. “I’m sorry but you don’t understand how to run a household.”

This turned into a pattern.

After that, my father was involved in an accident during a storm, which occurred just as I was about to finish my schoolwork.

“I’m sorry, honey,” Mom murmured as she entered my room wearing her slippers and socks. “I just wanted to apologise.” “Dad didn’t make it.”

The shock came at me from every aspect, but what struck me the most was the fact that my mother appeared to be more stressed out about the preparations for the burial than she was over the death of my father.

From that point on, my mother and I went through life in complete quiet.

The way I navigated life with her was completely foreign to me. My only knowledge was that my father had saved money for me, which he referred to as my college fund. Also, I was really near to being able to escape.

In the moments leading up to my high school graduation, when I had already started the process of applying to colleges, I discovered that my mother had stolen all of my money for college.

“You just don’t understand, Cara,” she replied as she sipped from a cup of tea. “There are some things that are bigger than you.”

That was the end of it. That was the last drop of water that was thrown into the sinking ship that was our relationship. I had some savings by that point, and I decided to move out.

While working at the salon, I increased the number of hours I worked and rented out a room in a shared house.

As the years passed, I continued to work and study on a part-time basis. Just when I believed that I had effectively buried that chapter of my life, I received a phone call that completely uprooted everything.

The death of my mother had occurred. In spite of the years of hurt and resentment that had built up inside of me, I found myself attending her funeral.

After the service, Veronica, who is my mother’s sister, requested me to go to the house where I grew up and sift through the things that belonged to my mother.

According to Veronica, “I wouldn’t know what to do, Cara,” she remarked. “I wouldn’t know if anything is valuable or not.”

My mother did not have much, despite the fact that she wore simple attire and had a few traces of her life. On the other hand, when I was reading through everything, I came across something that I had not anticipated: her diary.

Even if I tried, I couldn’t remember my mother keeping a journal. I was unable to recall her writing in any of them.

I gripped it with trembling fingers while I did so. I was aware that my mother harboured resentment towards me, but did I wish to read about it?

I came to the conclusion that it was necessary for me to do so, if nothing else, for the sake of bringing closure.

I took a seat in the living room and started thumbing through the pages of the book.

Greetings, Diary!

I despise the fact that I have to live in such a manner, squeezing and saving money while depriving my daughter the pleasures of youth. However, I am unable to escape. Because of Henry’s choices, I have no other option…

I became aware of a knot forming in the lower part of my stomach, and I paused. Throughout all of these years, I was under the impression that my mother was the antagonist in my narrative.

My mind had never before considered the possibility that her thrifty behaviour could be motivated by something more profound.

Greetings, Diary!

The joy that Cara exudes is contagious. Despite the fact that she is doing exceptionally well at school, I am aware that this will not continue. Her joy will no longer be the same after this. A business loan was obtained by Henry because he is confident that he will be able to establish himself as a leader in the waste-paper industry. On the other hand, I are certain that it is an error.

Aside from his role as a manager, I was unaware of any other activities that my father participated in.

Greetings, Diary!

It was a failure for Henry’s business effort. The burden of debt has begun to round our necks like a noose. I adore the fact that he was a dreamer and an adventurer at all times. On the other hand, Henry has resorted to gambling now that there is no more money available. He had high hopes for a significant victory. However, he has suffered much greater losses. The amount of our debt is significant.

My heart sank to the bottom of my stomach. Daddy of mine? Do you gamble?

Greetings, Diary!

It was all that I could do. I have been squeezing every last dime out of there in order to keep us afloat. Since his accident, however, all of the debt has been transferred to me that I am responsible for. I owe a great deal of money to repay. It seems as though Cara is under the impression that I am not grieving the loss of Henry. Yes, I am. The next step that we are about to do is another thing that is making me anxious.

My vision was thrown off by tears. Until recently, I was unaware of the severe repercussions that my father’s accident would have. Simply put, I was aware that his insurance money was coming and going.

Greetings, Diary!

Making the choice to use Cara’s education fund was the most challenging decision I’ve ever had to make. However, I was unable to make a pick. Either that or we were going to lose both our house and our car. It boiled down to that. It would be impossible for me to give up the house where Cara spent her childhood. The recollections of her father are essential for her to have. However, she harbours resentment towards me. And I can see it in her eyes. Given that I used the money, she is under the impression that I stole her future. It seems that I did.

I was able to overcome my defences with a sob. It wasn’t out of avarice that my mother had taken my money; rather, she did it in order to save us from an even more terrible outcome.

Greetings, Diary!

When I look into Cara’s eyes, I see hatred. I can’t say that I blame her even though she doesn’t comprehend. She adores Henry, and she holds his memory in the highest regard. But I was unable to tell her the truth. This image could not be tarnished by me. Nothing except quiet can be heard between us.

I felt a feeling of guilt pour over me like a surging tide. Throughout all of these years, I had held my mother responsible for everything, and I had held her in contempt, while she bore this enormous weight for my behalf.

I was defeated by the final entry.

Greetings, Diary!

It was finally possible to pay off the debt today. Cara is no longer subject to this hazard. It is possible for her to go about her life without this ominous cloud standing over her. My one and only hope is that she will one day realise that every sacrifice I made was done out of love for that person. I adore that girl more than I love life itself, despite everything that has happened.

As my diary came to a close, I was overcome with a strong sense of regret and comprehension.

I owe everything to my mother.

My mother’s journal is still on my bookshelves after a number of months have gone. Despite the fact that I have a complete understanding of everything now, I am embarrassed by myself. I did not pause to inquire further about her. My first impression was that she was avaricious.