A Thoughtful Dilemma

I have always encouraged my 19-year-old daughter to be an independent thinker. It fills me with pride to see her assert herself and make her own decisions. However, we have recently encountered a stumbling block. She recently got engaged and has decided that she does not want me to walk her down the aisle at her wedding. Her rationale is that we, as her parents, do not “own” her and thus have no right to “give her away.”

Hurt and Confused

As her father, this decision hurts me deeply. My wife and I have never treated her like an object or a piece of property. We have always aimed to provide her with a loving and fulfilling life. Her stance feels extreme to me, and despite our discussions, she remains unwavering. I respect her choices, but I cannot help but feel that she is disregarding our feelings entirely.

A Difficult Decision

In response to her decision, I made the difficult choice to inform her that I will not be financially contributing to her wedding. I do not wish to come across as controlling or manipulative, but it is important to recognize that while I do not “own” her, I also do not owe her a fully-funded wedding. If she insists on this position, then she can assume the responsibility of financing her own special day. This has left me conflicted and unsure about how to proceed.

A Considerate Perspective

It is crucial to clarify that my intention is not to make the wedding about myself. Walking her down the aisle, while all eyes are on her, is simply a symbolic gesture of love and respect. It is a way of honoring the special bond between a father and daughter. Such traditions have a deep-rooted history that speaks of respect, pride, and love. It is not solely about ownership.

The Balance of Independent Thinking

Being an independent thinker does not give anyone the license to be rude or selfish. True independent thinking involves the ability to think critically, form one’s own opinions, and engage in respectful and considerate interactions with others. It is about maintaining a balance between asserting individuality and respecting the thoughts, feelings, and perspectives of others.

In this situation, my daughter’s decision feels like a rejection of everything we have done for her, the sacrifices we have made, and the love we have given her. It is a reflection of her attitude rather than an affirmation of her independence.

While I may remain conflicted, I hope that my daughter can see the importance of considering the impact of her choices on others. Ultimately, it is my hope that we can find common ground and create a memorable wedding that honors our relationship as a family.